Having my first child with Autism is hard and scary enough because I am learning as I go along in this journey with my amazing son. I am trying to soak up as much knowledge as I can to help me take each step to do what is in the best interest of my child. I read and read and read about Autism, the suspected cause, the symptoms, hints on how to help my child, and experiences of other parents or families going through similar things.
Sometimes, when I read things that are similar to my son, I have learned things that I have applied to my son’s difficulties and they have helped, but, sometimes they have not helped . . . but at least I tried them, because you never know, it’s hit or miss with things. As they say, every child is different on the spectrum.
What bothers me more than anything is when I read a new parent of a child with Autism expressing some concerns, or asking questions about a certain subject, and they seem to get a majority of responses from other parents with children on the spectrum that have nothing but scary, negative, and worse case scenarios or outcomes to share. We should be there to help, not scare them to the point that they are petrified.
Bad things or problems that people have experienced don’t necessarily define what will or could happen to the child of the person seeking advice. Like children are different, so are circumstances, results and outcomes, and we need to take that into consideration when we give advice. We should be there to help, but in a positive manner!
If a new parent expresses concerns about allowing their child to ride on a bus for the first time, a normal concern for any parent of, either a "typical" child or a child with "autism," we need to respond with answers to this mother in a tender manner. Don’t just throw at her the fact that your child got lost, bullied, mistreated, etc . . . she is already very guarded as any parent would be, you don’t want to throw her into a complete meltdown?
Throwing negative things at a already guarded parent is not helping them, that alone is enough to make them want to keep that child home with them 24/7 to protect them, which we all know is not what is best for that child. A concerned parent will listen to positive and negative things, but naturally will always soak in the negative more because they are already guarded with concerns.
People that want to help new parents of Autism, need to express helpful tips on what to ask, what to look for, what to do, what to expect, and anything else they may prevent this guarded parent from experiencing your nightmare, bad experience, etc..that they don’t fully need to know! Your experience it not necessarily going to be theirs. You can help prevent what negative things may have happened to you from happening to another parent by helping in a positive manner not by scaring them to death!
I am a fairly new parent of a child with Autism. My son is only 4 and has a twin sister that is "typical." I am going to have concerns for both of my children, and I would love to get help in a positive manner that will help my child(ren), not scare me to death!
Please be mindful that not everyone is in the same place or stage when it comes to having a child on the spectrum. Some are new, very scared and are just learning about what is coming...help them take steps to move forward in a positive manner, they are going to have bumps and falls along the way, but allow them to walk through this journey with encouragement, please don’t scare them to take those first, second and third steps, or their child will not be allowed to spread their wings and show this parent what they can do and achieve!
